Frequently Asked Questions
Do you really look like your photos?
People have told me they think I look better than my photos.
I'm new and have never done anything like this before. Is that a problem?
Not at all! I'm very adept at helping and playing with people who have little to no experience with BDSM and I welcome them.
How do I explain what I like? What if I don't know?
Spend some time thinking about it. One way to start is my Interests page. Peruse the different things I have listed there. Which interest you as well? Choose the ones that you're most attracted to and put those in your application. For those things you're unfamiliar with, use a search engine and do some research. If you're still unsure and would like a dialogue about it, I offer paid coaching sessions in which I use my expertise to help you figure out what would make sense for you. Or you can book an Exploratory session. In this type of session I guide you through select activities to see what feels good to you. This type of session should be at least 2 hours.
What is your favorite type of play, Mistress?
It's not necessarily about specific activites, but more about our dynamic. I really enjoy sessioning with people who are open-minded and willing to try new things. I'm most energized by those who allow themselves to be vulnerable. I love when you show up ready surrender to me and lose yourself in the experience. This is when I come alive and My creativity can run free.
What kind of play do you dislike, Mistress?
Aside from issues around limits, it's really about the person I'm playing with. I tend to not work well with stoic types. Though I appreciate when people offer up their minds and bodies for my enjoyment, If someone is not willing to open up emotionally during a session, I will have difficulty connecting with them and will likely not enjoy what I'm doing. I love you emotive types!
What is your availability?
I conduct sessions seven days a week between noon and midnight. At this time, I offer sessions ranging from 1 to 8 hours in length. I'm willing to consider sessions outside of my hours for those with extenuating circumstances, but tribute will be doubled. Check my Schedule page for more information.
How do we get started?
If you’re interested in a real-time BDSM session or online training, please fill out the form on my Contact page. If you're interested in coaching, please fill out the form on the Coaching page. I will review it and if I think we're a potential match, I will contact you by email to schedule a phone consultation. During our talk, we will review the information you sent to me, discuss the aspects of a session, including any questions or concerns you may have and figure out a time that works for both of us. If during our talk I do not think we're a good match, please don't be hurt. I would rather be honest with you than take your money and not feel good about the session.
I submitted an application for a session with you. When can I expect to get a response?
I respond to applications as soon as I can, usually somewhere between same-day and 48 hours. If I'm traveling (check my Schedule page), it may take longer. I try to email and make calls when I'm away, but please do not expect it if I'm on vacation. If I have not replied within 4 days, there may be a problem. Please try again. If I don't reply to your second application, I'm not interested in a scene with you. When I do reply, expect the next step to be to set up a phone consultation to discuss the session. Please be aware this is mandatory and is for both our benefit. I usually conduct consults between 3pm - 11pm EST.
I'm traveling to your area and would like arrange a session with you. How do I arrange this?
As with everyone else, please begin by filling out the form on My Contact page, as I ask for all people who would like to session with Me. Indicate in your application where you are located and what date(s) and time(s) you will available for a session. If I'm interested in sessioning with you, I will contact you to set up a time to speak. My number is a U.S. number, so if you're not located in the U.S., be prepared to pay any associated costs for the call. Also, please keep in mind differences in time zone when asking to schedule a consultation. My preference is to speak between 3pm and11pm Eastern, but can be flexible for sincere clients when needed.
Can I talk to you before a session?
Yes. I actually require a phone consultation before I agree to session with you. This call is to get a feel for one another and what you're looking for. It is casual and of a professional nature, not "phone sex" or "therapy". In most cases, consultations are tributed. They are either conducted through NiteFlirt, if privacy is required, or to me directly.
(The links to My NiteFlirt lines are on My Contact page.)
Do you require a deposit? Why?
Yes, I require deposits on all first-time sessions with me. I also require deposits on scenes which require additional materials or special planning.
Deposits are a common means of securing goods or services. To ensure that you are as serious as I am, I require a deposit between 25 and 50% of the total tribute for all new clients and sometimes for particular types of scenes or locations. Any deposit you pay will go toward your tribute. If you take issue with this, please understand that this is common practice, not just in BDSM, but in many other professions.
Preparing for your session takes time and resources. If you ask Me to reserve time for you, I then take three hours to prepare for our session, and then you decide you’re not going to show, you cause Me to lose time and money. This is not fair to Me and not sustainable.
If you are concerned that I will take your money and run, I don't even feel tempation to do such a thing. Not only am I a highly ethical professional, there is no way I could be stealing people's money and be around this long. With as pervasive and immediate as social media is, word would get out and that would be the end of me as a Dominatrix.
Can I bring my own clothes and/or toys?
Yes. For those of you who enjoy dressing en femme, I can provide some things (wigs, makeup, breast forms, bra, panties, garters, stockings, heels, etc), but I may not have your size or aesthetic preference, so please feel free to bring your own. Also, if you have a particular toy or piece of gear you enjoy using, I may be willing to use it. Please just mention what you'd like to incorporate in a session when you fill out the form on my Contact page and I'll let you know if I'm comfortable using it.
Should I bring a gift or tip?
Both are welcome and appreciated, but not required. If you'd like to send or bring one, I ask that you select something from my Offerings page. If you want to pick something up on your way, an easy favorite is La Croix sparkling water (see preferred flavors here) or a gift card (Etsy, eBay, and Visa are good choices). I also like import beers (no bocks, please). Please ensure all gifts are sealed. I do not accept open containers. Tips can be in any amount you feel comfortable giving.
Do you mind if I have a toke or a few drinks before I arrive?
Drugs are NEVER permissible (this includes poppers), but if you wish to have ONE alcoholic drink prior to our session, that's fine, unless one drink will impair you, then do not drink at all. I will not session with you if you appear intoxicated or smell strongly of alcohol because it is a risk for both you AND me, and I do not consent to this risk.
Also: DO NOT drink and drive. If you will be driving and would like a drink, I'd rather you bring it and have it when you arrive. There are also bars within walking distance of my location. This is NOT a recommendation to drink. If you use to heighten pleasure or to assuage your nerves, please talk to me about other, safer options.
What can I expect for my first session?
When you arrive, I will briefly revisit the agreed upon activities and session guidelines, as well as review any injuries or medical conditions you may have. Then, when you are comfortable, we will begin. The session itself will depend on what we've agreed to do and for long we've agreed to do it. Time is allotted for any needed aftercare once we have finished.
Does this have to hurt or be scary?
No and no. Sessions don't have to involve what many people consider "pain", nor do they have to be scary. However, I'm not energized by sessions which are purely sensual. That's not my style as a Dominatrix and I reserve that style of play for my private life. If you're not interested in even a mild level of discomfort (physically or emotionally), I'm likely not a good match for you.
Will I see anyone but you when I come for a session?
Unless you have consented to additional parties, you will see only me.
What if I can't afford your tribute?
I understand that not everyone can afford the services of a professional Dominatrix. I am sensitive to the class issues created by this and am willing to consider a reduced tribute for a high-quality good and/or service in exchange.
For ideas of what you can barter, please see my Offerings page. If you wish to offer something to me, fill out the application on my Contact page and indicate specifically what you would like to offer and for how much session time you'd like to exchange it for. Please note: I do not barter for massages or housework. (I can get them both for free.)
How do I know I'm safe?
Your physical and mental well-being are of the utmost importance to me. I realize that agreeing to session with someone you've never met can feel frightening and intimidating. This is one reason why I require a phone conversation prior to booking a session. (You can take a look at my testimonials to see what people who have sessioned with me have said about their experiences.) Everything we do is negotiated and consensual, and with awareness of the models of Safe, Sane, and Consensual (SSC), Risk Aware Consensual Kink (RACK), Personal Responsibility Informed Consensual Kink (PRICK), and Committed Compassionate Consent (CCC). My approach is strongly rooted in the harm reduction philosophy and that all participating individuals are able to rescind consent at any time.
If a medical emergency should occur during our session, I am certified in CPR and first aid by the American Red Cross. I know the location of the nearest hospital and crisis center. If you are alert, I ask your consent before any assistance is offered. If you are unconscious, I use my training and judgment for the best course of action. Any conversations with staff members will be had with a commitment to maintain our privacy as much as possible.
Do you have any pets?
Yes. I have cats. While they're not allowed to hang out in my Temenos (either during or outside of sessions), they occasionally manage to sneak into The Place They Know They're Not Allowed because this is what cats love to do. If you're allergic, please let me know in advance so I can try to accomdate your needs.
Can you accommodate a latex allergy?
Yes! If you are allergic to latex, please let me know in your application.
Can you accommodate people who have ethical concerns around using leather and fur in play?
Yes! In my practice, I follow a Consensual Cruelty ethic. Everything in my dungeon is either faux leather, faux suede, rubber, vinyl, or other non-animal-sourced material.
How do you clean your dungeon?
I use different methods depending on what nasties I might be up against. I'm a former sexual health educator, so I have knowldge and an ongoing interest in how STIs and other pathogens are transmitted and rendered inactive.
The disinfectants I use are the types used in hospital settings. They kill a wide range of pathogens, like Hepatitis B and C (HBV/HCV), Herpes Simplex 1 and 2 (HSV1/HSV2), human immunodeficiency virus (HIV), prominent influenza strains, norovirus, SARS, staph, salmonella, e. coli, trichophyton mentagrophytes, etc. I use bleach or hypochlorous acid to kill HPV.
When cleaning toys, accessories, furniture, etc, I clean them as best as the material will allow. Silicone and stainless steel are sterilized, I disinfect and use barriers on toys that are porous, rope that goes anyhwere near a risk area is laundered with bleach, and I continuously use new sanitary protection (i.e. gloves, pads) during my scenes. I treat your health the way I'd want to mine to be treated.
(Please don't take this to mean you should not disclose any infections or health conditions, or participate in sessions when you believe you have been exposed to something. I don't want to become infected or increase the chance of spreading it to another person.)
Will you be submissive to me? Or to me and my girlfriend/wife/boyfriend/husband/etc?
Do you travel?
I do, though most of my travel is for pleasure. This is in great part because I prefer to hold sessions out of my own personal space, as opposed to something someone else created. This is because I know that my space is set up the way I prefer and cleaned to my standards.
Are you a licensed therapist?
I have had training to be a therapist, but I am not licensed. In order to take the exam to become licensed, one needs to obtain at least a Master's degree and complete a certain amount of supervised clinical hours. While I completed some of a Master's degree, I withdrew from the program because the ethical regulations would make it difficult if not impossible for me to be able to be both a Dominatrix and a licensed therapist -- and I prefer being a Dominatrix. Instead, I offer coaching. "Coaching" is a label and activity that is not regulated by law. It allows people to participate in a similar helping relationship without the oversight of regulatory bodies.
Can you be a counselor or therapist without a license?
It depends on the state. In Pennsylvania, where I reside, one does not have to be licensed to offer counseling but one does to call one's self a "therapist". How important is a license? Opinions vary. A license can be a useful safeguard, and it is required in certain instances (e.g. taking payment from insurance companies), however, it does not guarantee the intelligence, competency, or efficacy of the individual. There are people who have high school diplomas who are excellent counselors and therapists; inversely, there are licensed psychologists and psychiatrists who are awful and should be avoided. That said, if you live in a state in which unlicensed counseling is illegal, I cannot offer it to you. However, I can and do offer coaching. If you have any questions or concerns about My qualifications, I'm happy to discuss them with you.
Is your dungeon available to rent?
Unfortunately, it is not.
Do you work with any other Dominants or submissives?
I'm not currently working with any other professionals. If you are interested in a session with another pro Domme or sub and myself, please include that in your application and I will let you know if it's possible to arrange.
Do you provide references?
Absolutely. If you'd like me to provide a reference to another professional, you just need to send me an email *beforehand* to let me know the name of the person who will be contacting me and that you are providing a release for me to discuss my experience with you. (I only provide relevant information -- never gossip.)
Can I meet you before a session?
Sorry, I don't meet people in person before a session. For me, it's unnecessary. I find speaking with people on the phone to be sufficient for a real-time session.
Are you looking for a personal/non-professional play partner, personal slave, or a romantic relationship?
No, no, and no.
Is your dungeon accesible?
Though Temenos is not accessible, my mind is. I'm happy -- and determined -- to help figure out how to make a session work for you if you have mobility issues. Simply indicate your needs on the session request form and I'll do everything I can to come up with a solution.
I contacted you on Twitter/FetLife/some forum and you never responded. Why not?
As is written on my contact page, and has been mentioned several times elsewhere, I do not respond to inquiries about professional sessions anywhere than through the request form on my website. If you are interested in a session, fill it out. It's that simple.
I'm interested in becoming a professional Dominatrix. Can you help me?
While I do not offer mentorship, I do offer paid business consulting. For some details about this, please check my sessions page.
Will everything I want happen during a scene?
If we negotiate something to occur, it will occur.
How do I send a tribute?
Tributes for coaching, a consultation, or a deposit* can be sent electronically or via mail.
How do consultations work?
I provide consultations for every new client that requests a session. They are conducted via phone and are mandatory.